In it for the outcome...

As I woke up this morning, clinging onto the blanket and not wanting to awake from the comfort of my home, I glance at my phone. At 6:30 in the morning, I was not thinking about my upcoming school year. I wasn't thinking of my students. Hell, I wasn't even thinking of my own kids. All I wanted was coffee, the news and five more minutes in my pj's. Then like the flip of a switch, I was on auto pilot. Coffee was brewing, pj's were changed and I put on makeup again as if I never stopped putting it on for summer. The kids woke up, coffee was consumed, hubs went to work and we were out the door. Per usual, I go through my routine of driving the kids to the sitter and being on my way to work, all the while thinking I forgot something at home. Did I turn off the straightener? What about that damn coffee pot? Did I even close the garage door? Oh well, it's time for work.

I head down to the south side for class. "My summer is officially over," I think to myself as I park my car. I can't believe the way I'm ending my summer is with a class. I know it will pay off in the long run but who wants to spend one of the last full weeks of summer away from their kids? I'm one of those moms who cannot be away from their child. It kills me slowly inside all day long. I guess that's what comes to preemie mom's though. No one prepares you to leave the hospital without your baby you just had six weeks earlier than when you were supposed to. After staying home with him for over a year I gained enough courage to go back to work in Pittsburgh Public Schools. It definitely paid off after landing my dream job at Brookline. As my son goes to daycare and gets to play all day long, I go to work. I work for his future, for his well being. Everything I do in my life is dedicated to him and to better his life.

But there are other things I work for that are not my family. Everyday, I go to work and I see my students. The kids who come to school everyday and come to my class and do their best. I come to work for them. I come to see them and teach them the joy of music. So as I walk into the PFT this morning, for one of my last weeks of summer, I finally think of them, my students. I think how much they deserve someone who can gain every ounce of knowledge for them, to better them. My students are as much of a part of my family and life as my own children. I should put all of my energy into gaining this knowledge so that I can teach them to the best of my ability.

I will never stop learning. I teach. I will ask questions. I teach. I cultivate dreams. I teach. I engage minds. I teach. I support struggle. I teach. I encourage risk. I teach. I am in it for the outcome.

So as I sit here, typing this reflection and try to read unit two for homework, I hear my son scream at the top of his lungs. I jump off the couch and into his room. What could possibly disrupt me now?! Didn't they listen to me when I said I had work to get done before tomorrow morning? Why didn't my hubs go check on them? They're only playing hide and seek. Things calm back down and I finish my thoughts. I try to continue to read. Concentrating couldn't be harder but again, my thoughts go to my students. I don't give up. I will press on. I teach.

-Melissa Spinnenweber